Like many 20 something women, I don’t feel quite ready for the big head-over-heals lets make babies kind of love. I’ve been in love before, gone through a couple of break ups and have become really focused on my work in the world—my job in digital marketing, getting my life coaching certification, and launching The Pursuit of Fabulous. I love this work and am fully committed to it. But it does take a lot of emotional energy.
And while there is always a part of me that longs for romantic connection and loves the feeling of being in love, I think that falling in love and being in a relationship would be a distraction right now, throwing me off center and taking my focus away from my work and onto a guy. And I don’t want that.
BUT, I still crave masculine energy in my life. Someone to text. Someone to go on cute dates with and-yes-someone to give me the occasional butterflies in my stomach. And I guess what I’m wondering is if it’s possible to have a relationship in your mid-twenties that is neither leading toward marriage nor just a hookup? Something that is respectful, romantic, and NOT on a fast track down the aisle? And as woman, who values love and commitment and definitely wants to get married someday, is such a relationship OK with me?
What I’ve decided is that it’s all about the energy of the relationship. If being with Mr. Right Now makes you feel good AND doesn’t leave you with an emotional hangover, than by all means, carry on. BUT if you find yourself starting to care and obsess over someone whose not looking for something serious and you (in spite of your initial intention to not get emotionally involved) start to want more, than it’s time to move on.
The most important thing to remember when you’re in this place is to love yourself NO MATTER WHAT. To be brave enough to examine your true feelings, even if they’re uncomfortable. To forgive yourself if you do get off track or fall for someone who isn’t right for you. To remember that there really are no mistakes and there is ALWAYS something to learn. And to trust your gut above all else.
If you’re in place of confusion about the state of your romantic relationship and looking for some support and clarity, I invite you to email me at Rebecca@Thepursuitoffabulous.com to set up a free breakthrough coaching session. It is my mission to help as many women as possible to create lives (and love lives) that feel truly fabulous and it would be my honor to work with you.
Maybe you feel stressed out and overworked. Or got in a fight with a close friend. Or perhaps just didn’t get enough sleep last night…and it’s raining…and you have PMS.
Whatever the case may be, we all have days where all we want to do is lay in bed in sweatpants consuming seasons of Real Housewives and Ben and Jerry’s. The next time this happens, I dare you to:
Sit still and breathe. Let everything you are experiencing wash over you and really swim in it. Notice how the physical sensations feel in your body. Clenched jaw? Tight chest? Keep focusing on your breath and recognize and name what comes up and let it wash over you.
Write it out. When you feel out of sorts, putting pen to paper can be incredibly cathartic. The key is to jot down whatever comes to mind without censoring yourself or worrying about spelling and grammar. Remember, no one else has to see what you write and you can always shred/burn it when you’re done and have gotten everything off your chest.
Connect with loved ones. When you’re feeling down, it can be scary to reach out to people be vulnerable. But not only will confiding in someone likely provide a sense of relief, it can strengthen your relationship and give you the support and perspective you crave.
Move the bod. Endorphins are powerful. Even if you just clock10 minutes on the elliptical or do a few sun salutations, life tends to look infinitely brighter through a post-workout lens.
Hope this gives you a few ideas for dealing with those pesky less than fabulous moods in a healthy way. Remember, everyone feels icky sometimes but the most wonderful thing about feelings is their transient nature. This too shall pass. Sending buckets of love to anyone in need of a little extra today.
Want to get more done during your workday, pump the brakes on procrastination, and have fun while you’re at it? Here’s what works for me…
*Blasting up-beat tunes. Nothing keeps me energized and on-track like good music, and for work I love the Avicci station on Pandora for the high tempo yet (mostly) lyric-less jams. Just be sure to keep the headphones in if you work with other humans (apparently not everyone loves my taste in music? Crazies.).
* Keeping my work fridge stocked with wallet and waistline-friendly snacks. In the wise words of Virginia Woolf, “One cannot think well, love well, or sleep well, if one has not dined well.” Nuff’ said.
*Taking periodic brain brakes. Research shows that regular respites from work are crucial for keeping your mental acuity pin sharp. And praise the Lord, because the idea of remaining affixed to my computer screen from dusk till dawn makes my toes curl (and not in a good way!). So to stay on track (and keep from getting booooorrred) try going for a quick walk in the fresh air, doing some yoga stretches, or sipping a cup of Jo the next time the 3pm slump hits!
* Doing what requires the most brain power (and is most important) first thing in the morning (or whenever you feel most “on” and alert). This allows you to be at your best for the projects that matter most. While you’re at it, try only checking email at pre-determined times as opposed to consistently throughout the day (you’ll be amazed by how much more you accomplish).
Got any other tips for increasing productivity and diving into projects with gusto? Would love to hear about em’ in the comments section below!
And if you want more more MORE advice for making the most out of your time at the office, give me a holler at firstname.lastname@example.org and we’ll set up a FREE one-on-one breakthrough coaching session.
Love this quote by NYC PR queen and self-proclaimed “Power B*tch”, Kelly Cuttrone:
“B*tch: a reflection of people’s lack of creativity & inability to acknowledge & embrace a powerful woman; a woman who won’t comply.”
― Kelly Cutrone