I was catching up with a girlfriend from Remote Year recently about life post traveling….
“Damn girl, you’re really crushing it,” she said to me. “The rest of us are just struggling to figure shit out/get by and you’re over here all happy, selling out your programs and living in a penthouse.”
Instantly I felt a tiny collapse in the pit of my stomach…
“Fuck…I was too shiny” I reflexively thought to myself.
It was an instant reaction, but I FELT it.
It’s funny – the month before I left for my year plus of travels (January 2016) was my highest earning month in business and was a time when I was doing mindset work like it was my full time job.
And…it worked.
I was making bank.
But I remember flying (business class) to Uruguay and meeting a few people on the plane (who were flying coach) and instantly feeling (or perhaps imagining?) judgment in their eyes.
“Fuck…I can’t be the ‘rich bitch’ here. I won’t have any friends,” I remember thinking.
And in the weeks to follow – staying in an old hotel with paper thin walls in Uruguay with the rest of the group, I stopped my morning mindset practice.
I didn’t want to make people uncomfortable.
I didn’t want to be too weird.
I didn’t want to be too happy.
I didn’t want to be too shiny.
I traded a bit of my radiance for a sense of belonging and connection.
This has zero to do with the people in the program – they are kick ass and many of them are dear friends. Nobody told me in any way shape or form to do this.
I did it because of my perception and fear of what they would think of me.
So I stopped myself.
I slowed my business.
I subconsciously pumped the breaks on wealth creation while consciously continuing to “do all the things.”
And after a while…I started to forget just how motherfucking powerful I am.
Lately (really ever since I got back to DC) I’ve been remembering…and it’s been delicious.
And today talking to my friend it really hit me exactly what happened last year (from a mindset perspective) in my business.
No judgment.
No shame.
No guilt.
Just understanding. And compassion. And love.
