She said my content should be illegal…

Last Friday night I had something extremely upsetting happen and something else extremely awesome happen in my business in the span of 60 minutes…

UPSETTING THING: 
An influencer who I looked up to left a super nasty/critical comment on one of my Facebook posts (where I talked about the most overused words in the coaching industry). She said that my content shames women, should be illegal, and I should be banned from Facebook (I’m not even exaggerating, those were her exact words). 

She then went on to post how much money she makes and write a long ranty post about “people like me” on her own Facebook wall. When I lovingly responded she continued to be mean spirited (it honestly felt like she was trying to pick a fight/wanted me to be wrong/bad).

It would be easy to dismiss her as crazy, but she is a coach with a large following (bigger than mine for sure) and we have a lot of friends in common (though don’t know each other personally). The whole thing really shook me if I’m being honest. I can see how what I wrote could be interpreted as shaming (though it was not at all my intention), but I was honestly shocked by how she reacted. I don’t expect everyone to agree with me and am open to alternative perspectives, but expect a level of kindness among coaches. I ended up deleting her comments and blocking her.

AWESOME THING: 
I had a call with a woman who writes for Inc and Arianna Huffington’s new publication, Thrive, about what it was like to travel to 12 countries in 12 months while running a business, and she wants to feature me in 2 upcoming articles, one in each publication. I didn’t pitch her, she reached out to ME.

THE UNIVERSE IS FUNNY LIKE THAT.

Sometimes we get upsetting and awesome within the span of an hour and it’s hard to know what to make of it all (and as humans it’s so tempting to make it all MEAN something, isn’t it?).

I think the truth is that it is up to us how we interpret what’s happening in our lives and the conclusions we draw.

We get to decide if we are “succeeding” or “failing”, which, if you think about it, is actually pretty cool.

Realized your coach isn’t perfect after all? Read this.

Coaches and healers draw you in with promises of magic and transformation and then (if they’re any good at their jobs) force you to come face to face with all of your shit.

Blehhhhhh.

At some point your ego will likely want to tear them down off the pedestal you once put them up on and make a looooooong list of reasons why they’re not actually qualified/totally fucking weird/super annoying.

THIS IS A DEFENSE MECHANISM.

It is not “truth”.

When you hire a coach or healer because of a deep soul “yes” it is not an accident or a mistake. It’s just not SUPPOSED to be 100% sunshine and unicorns.

It is supposed to grow you into the the next version of yourself.

And typically that doesn’t happen without a little friction.

So if you find yourself judging the fuck out of the person you pay tons of money each month to help you find love/lose weight/tap into your intuition/grow your business – ask yourself:

What’s REALLY going on?

Could your ego just be trying to distract you from the growth opportunity sitting right in front of your nose?

**NOTE: Occasionally there are crazy situations and bad apples in this industry, but typically, you’re just dealing with a human being, presenting you with the perfect opportunity to further heal your shit.

Are you falling for the myth of the $10k month

Last month I was invited by a super sweet woman who I met briefly at a conference to take part in her online summit.

The topic?

How to hit consistent $10K months as a coach.

Here was my (probably longer than she bargained for) response:

Hi love,

Thank you for your invitation. I’m honored you thought of me.

As a rule, I only email my list about people who’s work I am deeply familiar with, so if promotion is required, I’m going to have to politely pass.

Additionally, I’m not sure I’m the “right” person to speak on this topic. Though I fit your technical definition, my thoughts may conflict with your message.

In short? The “10k month” milestone (so often touted as an “I’ve made it” badge among coaches) is NOT the dream I “sell” or stand for.

1) I believe it’s misleading…

For starters, what constitutes a $10k month EXACTLY?

Is this booked income (people paying you this amount over the course of several months) or banked income (actual money in the bank)? And are we talking gross profit? Or take home profit after taxes and expenses (which can be quite high when you’re starting out if you “do all the things” experts recommend, like hiring a coach, running FB ads, launching a website, etc.). These can be VERY different numbers that new coaches don’t take into consideration.

2) The fact that we so often only talk about a single month‘s revenue disturbs me. 

It’s SO indicative of the fast-cash nature of the coaching industry. I’m honestly less interested in learning from someone who has had a few 10 or even 100K+ months but has only been around for 6 months (those of you reading this who are not in the coaching industry, this is actually not as unusual as you might think). I’m MUCH more interested in learning from someone who has been at this game for at least 5 years and perhaps has less “flash” but more SUSTAINABILITY.

3) While I’m all for money being a less taboo topic (and think when people share their numbers it can be inspiring), money alone provides an incomplete picture of “success” in my book.

I’ll be the first to cheer on a woman making 6 figures running her dream business….but I also want to know:

  • How are her intimate relationships?
  • When’s the last time she had belly laugh, an adventure, or heck, a good night’s sleep?
  • How does she FEEL in her body when she wakes up in the morning?
  • Is she GENEROUS with her time and resources?
  • Do her clients feel like they are getting amazing value (and renew again and again)…or does she run a business of almost exclusively 1-time buyers?

These are IMPORTANT questions to ask when you’re thinking about hiring someone (or feel stuck comparing yourself to another coach who seems to be “crushing it.”).

If you feel comfortable having me on, knowing that these are my views and that I am unable to promote this to my list, I’d be happy to.

Warmly,

Rebecca

Now, I do not intend for this post to be a downer. Simply a call for greater transparency and real-talk in this industry in service of sustainability.

Does this strike a chord (or hit a nerve) with you?

Leave a comment below and let me know 🙂

Introducing….#20DaysOfTruth!

IF YOU TOLD THE TRUTH ON FACEBOOK FOR 20 DAYS STRAIGHT…WHAT WOULD HAPPEN TO YOUR BUSINESS?

I’m about to find out…

Instead of a typical “launch” for my 2017 Mastermind, I’m going to conduct a little marketing experiment (with myself as the Guinnea pig).

Every day between now and December 24th I will post THE FULL UNEDITED TRUTH about what’s really going on “behind the scenes” in my business…

…And I’ll do it on my personal Facebook profile for all to see (and very possibly judge).

There will be no highly-produced video series.

No professionally-designed opt-in + sales page.

No pre-scripted webinar (purposefully designed to make you buy buy buy!)

No email funnel reverse-architected to position my program as THE ANSWER to all of your problems.

None of that stuff.

MY GOAL?

TO SEE IF I CAN FILL A PROGRAM WITH NOTHING BUT MY WORDS, MY (FULL) TRUTH, AND MY FACEBOOK PROFILE.

I’m doing this for several reasons…

1) I’m over how complicated/expensive launches have become. So many coaches I know (myself included) are living month-to-month when all is said and done (yes, I have crossed the 6 figure mark in yearly revenue and am still juuuust paying off my credit card in full each month).

This is because even though revenues are often high, the costs associated with launching can be astronomical. Most coaches and healers do not have a trust fund or rich husband to fall back on…but they do have thoughts, feelings, and a Facebook profile. Is that enough? We shall see…

2) My last launch was emotionally excruciating…and only my inner circle really knew the depth of it. I fell prey to the train of thought that “if people really saw just how messy/imperfect I am they would never trust me enough to make a purchase.” I hope I was incorrect in making that assumption because…

RIGHT NOW I WANT NOTHING MORE THAN TO TELL THE FUCKING TRUTH.

(and I want it desperately)

Will it work? We shall see…

Tune in tomorrow at 9am EST (ish) for Day 1 of this #20DaysOfTruthexperiment.
I have no idea what I’ll be posting, but that’s part of the fun.

Until then…

xo
Rebecca

Ps. I’m not trying to hate on old-school launching (I’ve done a summit, Periscope challenge, 4 part video series, fb ads and funnels galore in 2016 alone). I’m honestly just curious if there is a better way 

Are you a “problem client”? (me too)

You guys, I am NOT easy to coach.

Like, not at all.

I feel a little bit bad for every coach that has to work with me (except for the business coaches…I’m much nicer to them for some reason. Probably because my ego feels safe talking strategy…).

But the people who have walked me through some deeply rooted emotional shit?

They deserve a fucking medal.

I can be THE WORST kind of client and I know it.

* I argue.
* I doubt the process (and even at times the coach)
* I make up all kinds of excuses…and I’m VERY convincing
* I try to “back seat coach” and control the session
* I get super defensive/resistant/prickly when I’m being called out.
* I’ve even been known to put someone up on a pedestal only to realize they are not as “perfect” as I thought (and then feel disappointed and resentful).

I’d be a total nightmare to deal with if I wasn’t so damn aware of what what was happening, a blessing and a curse.

BUT…being a tough cookie client DOES have it’s gifts.

The biggest?

I’m pretty hard to shake when I’m coaching a “problem client.”

I don’t back down.

I don’t run and hide (at least not anymore).

And I don’t take your resistance all that seriously/personally.

So If you’ve always felt like you’re “too much” for a coach to handle.

If your resistance has caused past coaches to shrink back and doubt themselves, making them a less effective stand for you and causing YOU to feel unsafe or misunderstood.

If you desire REAL TRANSFORMATION (plus tangible strategy to back it up) and want to work with someone who’s more committed to your growth than to you liking or approving of them.

And if 2017 is the year you want to become FUCKING VISIBLE in the online world and you want to be deeply supported…I want to talk to you.

I’ve been so excited by the interest people have shown in my mastermind since my post yesterday, and I’m already lining up calls.

There are only 8 spots total and they are starting to fill.

So if a part of you is feeling called toward this experience, don’t wait. Reach out to me.
xx

“Manifesting” not working for you? Try this.

THERE IS A MAJOR MISSING LINK IN THE CURRENT CONVERSATION AROUND “MANIFESTING”….

Getting clear about what you want? It’s not enough.

Taking action to make it happen? Still not enough.

Consuming every self help book/new age podcast you can get your hands on and repeating affirmations till you’re blue in the face? Nope, that won’t cut it either.

Don’t get me wrong, these are all steps in the right direction, BUT (and it’s a big but)…

FOR MANIFESTING TO TRULY WORK YOU HAVE TO BE VIBRATING AT THE FREQUENCY OF WHATEVER IT IS THAT YOU DESIRE.

“What in the actual fuck?” I can almost hear my less-than woo woo friends saying…but bear with me…

In essence, I mean that to call in or “manifest” whatever it is that you really really want (and not self-sabotage once it appears), you have to get to the root of whatever is currently blocking you from having it….and to quote Snoop Dogg, “drop it like it’s hot!”

Despite what books like The Secret would have us believe, this “un-blocking” process?

It’s not for the faint of heart.

Most people would much rather just buy the crystals, play with the goddess cards and take a few yoga classes…all the while wondering why the F they’re not getting results they want.

“Maybe manifesting doesn’t work?” they think to themselves, growing increasingly frustrated, ultimately coming to the conclusion that “all this woo woo stuff” is bullshit.

IT’S NOT BULLSHIT.

But it’s nowhere near as easy as “pop spirituality” has made it out to be.

>>Re-wiring deeply rooted beliefs that have been passed down in your family for generations? Hard. As. Fuck.

>>Breaking co-dependency and ending (or re-creating) relationships that no longer match what you want call in? Hella painful and scary.

>>Being willing to look at (and heal) childhood trauma that you’d rather not touch with a ten foot pole? Decidedly less fun than cutting out pictures of beaches and engagement rings in some magazine (#justsayin).

>>Taking FULL RESPONSIBILITY for everything you have created in your life up until this point and refusing to view yourself as a victim of your circumstances any longer? Ooof. It’s a doozy!

NOW I’M NOT SAYING THAT YOUR DESIRES ARE IMPOSSIBLE…OR THAT YOU HAVE TO BECOME SOME KIND OF NINJA CROSS BETWEEN JESUS, GANDHI AND BEYONCE TO LIVE A KICK ASS LIFE…

Not at all.

I’m just encouraging you to stop falling for “magic pill marketing” and accept that there is a reason you don’t have every single thing you’ve ever wanted right this very second.

And it’s not because “manifesting doesn’t work.”

It’s because YOU still have work to do. Lessons to learn. More chapters to write in this crazy book called life.

By all means, buy the crystals, read the self-help books and go to town creating those new year’s resolutions. But don’t stop there.

SHOW UP for the lessons life is presenting to you.

Be willing to “go there” and get messy in service of your growth.

This shit works if you do.

Promise.
xx

How I became a contributor for Business Insider (no, it did not “just happen”)

screen-shot-2016-10-12-at-1-02-35-am

1) Earlier this year I thought to myself, “Wow, I would really love to be featured in Business Insider, I think it would be great for my brand….Universe, show me the way.”

2) I started seeing a few big-name coaches have their stories in Business Insider (all of whom have been around way longer than me and make more money than I do…at least according to their websites). But I’ve never been one to let that sort of thing stop me. “If she can do it, I can too” has always been my mantra.

3) I started researching and realized all the stories about these coaches were written by the same Editor. I looked closer and realized that it appeared that many of the people featured were all a part of a certain publicity coach’s high level mastermind (to the tune of $25k/year)…and this woman was friends with the editor.

4) “Interesting” I thought to myself. I bet I can get into Business Insider without spending a dime. (Game On, Universe).

5) I pitched the editor my story in April…and never heard back.

6) I followed up a few weeks later with a slightly different angle…and once again, crickets.

7) I began leaving comments on the articles she wrote regularly…”maybe she’ll notice me this way?” I thought. Still nothing.

8) I got frustrated, why was I even trying this hard? Did this even matter? I let it go for the time being.

9)Then I saw that my uncle, who is a published author was quoted by this same editor. I wrote to him asking how it happened and he replied with something along the lines of, “when you are a published author, people just come to you.”

“Hmmm…I guess I’m just not a big enough deal?” I thought to myself. I felt a little sour about the whole thing.

10) Then one of my friends on Remote Year was featured in Business Insider by THIS SAME EDITOR about being a remote worker and something clicked:

  • I wonder if she’d be interested in a story about what it’s like to be a remote entrepreneur rather than a coach? Looking back I see how this is one of the most interesting parts of my story, but sometimes it’s hard to see ourselves objectively and pinpoint our most media-friendly angles (something I help my clients and students with).
  • I also tried to put myself in her (probably very busy) shoes…and realized I would be more likely to get coverage if I actually wrote the piece rather than pitching a piece about me (seems like a no brainer, right? But again, it’s hard to see our own blindspots).

11) I decided I would give it one last shot, I mean I didn’t want to seem like a desperate pathetic loser who couldn’t take a hint (yep, that’s where my mind goes). But something told me I was getting closer (this is how The Universe works by the way…when you get closer to the thing you are manifesting you start seeing evidence of it all around you and receive more information and ideas about HOW to make it happen).I sent the pitch…and heard crickets for another month and a half.

12) I put the whole thing on the back burner deciding, “If it’s meant to happen, it will happen”) and focused on other things. During that time I was quoted in The Guardian without having to put in ANY effort…it felt like The Universe whispering, “You’re getting warmer…”

13) Then, one morning out of the blue a few weeks ago, the Business Insider editor wrote back. “We’re less interested in the “coach” aspect of your story but very interested in the “remote entrepreneur” angle. “Send over a draft” she wrote. “No promises, but we’ll take a look.”

14) I spent days perfecting the piece, created a brand new opt-in gift related to this article (I wanted readers to opt into my email list to make the most of the exposure, and hired a designer to make a beautiful landing page (www.thepursuitoffabulous.com/traveltools). I mean, if I’m gonna do this, I might as well do it right, right?

15) I sent her the story…and a few days later IT WAS LIVE ON BUSINESS INSIDER!!!

Click here to read it!

I spent a month in Belgrade, Serbia. Here’s what I learned…

belgrade-sunnnn

I love getting surprised. By a city. By a person. By an experience.

To be honest, I was NOT looking forward to spending August in Belgrade, Serbia…especially while I was launching the 4th round of my group program, Marketing Mastery.

I thought it would be hot and ugly. Like the redheaded step-child of eastern Europe.
Especially after spending July in Prague (which is basically a real-life version of the game Candyland, I had a beautiful 2-bedroom apartment to myself and worked from a gorgeous converted embassy) I was expecting August to be a major let down…
But then I got here…and I kinda don’t hate it.

  • Belgrade does coffee like nobody’s business. Chilling outside for hours on end at a bar that only serves coffee? Totally normal. And I really, really like my caffeine…
  • They party…on the water! If you know me you know that I’m the opposite of a club person…but it’s not for reasons people might think. I actually LOVE bouncing around and talking to people…and the dance floor is totally my happy place…but I just hate being confined in a dark crowded room. And I don’t process alcohol well. Like worse than anyone I know. On top of that, when I’m at a bar or club, it’s like my intuition and energetic sensitivity go on overdrive and while everyone around me is numbing out and letting loose, I can feel all their stuff…it’s weird.
    But outdoor clubs on the water?! I really, really like them. I also think there just this growing comfort with the people I’m traveling with where I can order a latte while everyone else is downing champagne and nobody gives a fuck. And I like it. I guess that was always true but there’s something about traveling with people for 6 months that just allows you to fully relax into who you are around them.
  • I’m making friends with the gritty…in every area of my life. It’s interesting that I’m visiting the “ugliest” city of my year long trip during the time when my anxiety has been at an all-time high with my group program launch. Coincidence? I think not. But I’m realizing that just because a physical place or an emotional state isn’t traditionally “beautiful”, doesn’t mean it isn’t BEAUTIFUL. My anxt-y, shaddow-y side is proving to be an excellent marketing advisor (apparently people like it when you tell the truth about your pain and struggles? Who knew!)

Sometimes the beauty is in the complexity, the contrast, the mix of all the things together that makes life more dynamic and interesting.

Kind of like this #nofilter view from my kitchen window of the sun setting over the gritty Belgrade Skyline.

Anyhow…that’s what I’m thinking about this Tuesday morning…how about you? What’s present? What’s moving through?

This post got 105 likes, 4 shares, and 28 comments…

I’ve come to a sobering (yet oddly liberating) realization in recent months. I shared it on my personal Facebook page yesterday and in 12(ish) hours it’s gotten 105 likes, 4 shares and 28 comments.

This tells me I hit a nerve, so I wanted to share it here, in case you missed it. Here’s what I wrote:

When you say…

“Universe, I’m ready to up-level in a BIG fucking way,” and you really, really mean it, you better get ready.

Because you are about to be initiated in a BIG fucking way.

All the shit that’s been holding you back and keeping you small? You don’t get to bypass it. Not even a little. It’s gonna come up to the surface, and sifting through it will be ANYTHING but comfortable.

Becoming a thought leader is not an easy path. It takes a level of ferocity, gumption and unshakable belief in yourself. Wait no, scratch that. Your belief in yourself will ABSOLUTELY shake. It may even crumble into tiny little pieces. And when it does you’ll realize it’s not about you AT ALL.

It’s about the work. The message. The “BIG WHY” behind everything you do.

If you got into coaching or healing work to feel good about yourself, to be praised, to get famous, to be adored, I implore you, STOP NOW.

Because it is a humbling ride.

Yes there are wins. Big paydays. Moments in the spotlight. “You changed my life” messages. And that stuff IS wonderful.

But there are also dark nights of the soul. Failed launches. Online bullies. Investments that don’t pan out. Fierce criticism from strangers and people who you love most. Exhaustion. Questioning everything.

Like I said, it’s a ride.

The only thing that WILL get you through is a belief, not in yourself, but in THE WORK. The healing or art you are called to bring into the world.

THAT will get you through the dark times, and keep you humble in the good times.

Anyone you look up to online, anyone who is living their dreams, don’t for a second think they haven’t been through an initiation of their own. So before you get sucked into envy or comparison, know this:

You can have YOUR version of success if you want it. But you have to show up, again and again and again and again.

You have to be willing to do the hard, unglamorous, and at times, emotionally grueling work.

So are you up for the challenge? Ready to roll up your sleeves and be a thought-leader and changemaker of the highest order, come what may?

What my shaky hands have to do with YOUR marketing

If you’ve never met me in person, you probably don’t know this, but I have a hand tremor.

Usually it’s not too noticeable, but when caffeine kicks in or I have low blood sugar, my hands get pretty damn shaky (like, I could never be a surgeon, shaky).

For years I’ve felt so much shame around my tremor. I felt like it made me look like I was nervous (even when I wasn’t). I’ve made jokes about it and laughed it off if I accidentally spilled a drink, but it has always felt distinctly “uncool”.

Anyway over the weekend I was in a room of over 100 women entrepreneurs at a posh hotel in Beverly Hills, and I was excited.

My hair looked good, I felt confident in my outfit, and I was excited to be one of the speakers at this event, and meet women in person who I’ve been connected to online.

But as I was mingling in the morning, I could feel my hands shaking as I held my coffee cup, and found myself wondering, “Do the girls I’m talking to notice? Do they think I’m nervous? Do they think less of me?”

Lately I have been getting 1 central memo from The Universe on repeat:

Be vulnerable, be vulnerable be vulnerable.

Take off the mask of “perfection” and show the world your awkward, wobbly (or in this case, shaky) parts.

I feel like my shaky hands were my vulnerability at the event. In a situation where it’s so tempting to put on a mask of “I’m a polished powerful entrepreneur” the shaky hands made me human, raw, relatable.

I talked about the experience with a few women at my table and was met with so much love and appreciation for being vulnerable. Later that night I posted about it on my Facebook page and it received well over 100 likes, many comments and numerous private messages.

The lesson?

When you are vulnerable, people feel connected to you, and that leads them to trust you. This idea that you have to seem like you’ve “arrived” and “have it all figured out” to be a credible coach is total bull (and buying into is is REALLY stressful and unsustainable).

But Rebecca, if I’m vulnerable won’t I lose all my credibility?” I hear you ask.

Here’s my honest response to this very real question…

You are not qualified to coach on a particular topic because of the results you’ve produced (for yourself or others) or the place you’ve “arrived”. You are qualified because you are actively IN PROCESS with the subject around which you coach/teach/consult. You are qualified because you are wildly interested in/deeply committed to sifting through all the muck to find the gold.

Let me repeat: YOUR WORTH IS NOT YOUR RESULTS (at least not in the way that the world typically defines “results”).

Because when you conflate the two, you are pretty much guaranteed to periodically feel like total shit, because The Universe doesn’t really let us “arrive” anywhere. At least not for long.  We are inherently “in transit.” Change is awesomely (and at times, excruciatingly) unavoidable.

So let’s get practical here…so you know EXACTLY what I’m talking about and how it applies to you:

  • You can be a love and relationship coach and go through a messy divorce.
  • You can be a weight loss or health coach and have a health or an emotional eating flare up and gain weight.
  • You can be a business coach and be in break down around your business, lose clients, have a failed lauch, etc.

Being “in it” (ya know, sifting through the emotionally messy, murky stuff) in a particular area does not disqualify or diminish your credibility in that area. It enhances it.

We can only take people as deep as we’ve gone. And if we want to be of MASSIVE SERVICE we have to get over our fear that we will lose our credibility if we tell the truth and “go there.”
Do you agree? Disagree? Would love to know…