CONFESSION TIME:

This weekend I missed two separate buses to NYC and spent an extra $270 on a last minute train ticket in order to make it to my grandmother’s birthday brunch.  Which I showed up to late, sans gift, and sporting a mass of crazy windblown hair and snow-drenched clothes.

And I had a wonderful time.

A few years ago, however, this would not have been the case.  I would have been so caught up in a mental loop of self-criticism that the whole afternoon would have been toast.

What changed?

I’ve decided to forgive myself.

For missing buses.  For making cringe-worthy typos in important emails. For getting parking tickets.  For fumbling my words when I want to appear calm, cool, and collected. For unintentionally hurting people I love.  For getting hurt.  And for being absolutely, completely and irrevocably imperfect.

And I invite you to do the same.

Because no matter what mistakes you’ve made or how you’ve failed to measure up, you are deeply and completely OK.

Self-forgiveness isn’t about granting yourself a free pass from trying your best or from making amends for your mistakes.  But it is about softening your inner dialogue when you do miss the mark, and treating yourself with as much kindness, compassion and love as possible.

And it’s not just for your own benefit.  Because how you are with yourself is ultimately how you will be with others. And just as you will F up royally from time to time, so too will the people you love.

The more regularly you practice forgiving yourself and others, the more happiness, freedom and love you will experience, causing a ripple effect in the world.

So the next time you do something you wish you hadn’t and feel yourself getting sucked into that familiar cycle of self-criticism, pause.  Take a few deep breaths and try a gentler approach.  It’s a better way to live.  Promise.

There you are—cruising around minding your own business—when OUT OF THE BLUE life throws you a curve ball.

–An ex-boyfriend’s engagement photos pop up on your newsfeed.

–A co-worker makes an underhanded comment about you in front of your boss.

–Someone steals your parking spot…and is downright RUDE about it.

Whatever it is, suddenly your good mood has vanished you’re left feeling unhinged, upset, and out of whack.

This is super frustrating, especially when you were in a pretty cheery state of mind.  It can almost feel like a person or event stole your good mood and to make matters worse, you might be tempted to judge yourself for “overreacting” about your #firstworldproblem, after all people are starving all over the world, aren’t they?

Well what if I told you that having an external event throw you off center is one of the best things that can possibly happen to you?

You’d probably assume I’m smoking something, after all I’m kind of hippy dippy and how could feeling bad possibly be a good thing?

Here’s why: Every time you get thrown off course or triggered in a negative way, you have a chance to auto correct and come back to center.  To grow stronger in faith and love. 

When you’re new to the self-love and self-acceptance game, getting yourself back to a state of positivity can be reallllly tough, especially when something hits a nerve.  But it’s a lot like a muscle: the more you use it, the stronger it gets and the more resilient you become.

Last year I attended a Marianne Williamson lecture and she spoke about this.  She used the metaphor of a GPS, saying that every time we make a wrong turn or are thrown off in some way, the Universal GPS re-routes us to our destination, and that with each and every re-route, a lesson is learned and we grow stronger.

So the next time you’re knocked off center by a situation or person outside yourself, I invite you to see it as an opportunity for some spiritual weight training and repeat the following affirmation:

I choose to see this upsetting event as an opportunity to deepen my faith and my commitment to living life with love.  I recognize that other people’s actions towards me have more to do with them than me.  I choose to forgive whoever has hurt me and recognize that they are doing the best they can with what they know. When I see the situation as a blessing that is helping me grow stronger, I can forgive and set us both free.

The biggest key here is to realize that your emotional landscape is always under your control.  Even though it may feel as though external events have the power to bulldoze over your happiness, that is NOT the case.  And every time you pull yourself out of a reactionary funk you become more powerful more positive and more unstoppable than before.

Wishing you peace, love, and more fabulous than you know what to do with!

Rebecca

Dear Universe,

Today may I be of great service to the world. May I practice what I preach. May I bring light and warmth to all who cross my path. May I stay positive in the face of any negative energy or obstacles. May I be aware of destructive thought patterns as they creep in and may I consciously replace them with self-love and acceptance. May remember that abundance and love are my birthright and may I be a living example of all I believe.

Amen

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As your Tryptophan coma subsides and you jump back into your normal routine tomorrow, do your best to take that Turkey day feeling of gratitude with you.  To help you out, I’ve assembled a few of my fav gratitude-inducing practices in the video above!

DEEPLY grateful for each and every one of you and have a FABULOUS week!

Like many 20 something women, I don’t feel quite ready for the big head-over-heals lets make babies kind of love.  I’ve been in love before, gone through a couple of break ups and have become really focused on my work in the world—my job in digital marketing, getting my life coaching certification, and launching The Pursuit of Fabulous.  I love this work and am fully committed to it. But it does take a lot of emotional energy.

And while there is always a part of me that longs for romantic connection and loves the feeling of being in love, I think that falling in love and being in a relationship would be a distraction right now, throwing me off center and taking my focus away from my work and onto a guy.  And I don’t want that.

BUT, I still crave masculine energy in my life.  Someone to text.  Someone to go on cute dates with and-yes-someone to give me the occasional butterflies in my stomach.  And I guess what I’m wondering is if it’s possible to have a relationship in your mid-twenties that is neither leading toward marriage nor just a hookup? Something that is respectful, romantic, and NOT on a fast track down the aisle?  And as woman, who values love and commitment and definitely wants to get married someday, is such a relationship OK with me?

What I’ve decided is that it’s all about the energy of the relationship.  If being with Mr. Right Now makes you feel good AND doesn’t leave you with an emotional hangover, than by all means, carry on.  BUT if you find yourself starting to care and obsess over someone whose not looking for something serious and you (in spite of your initial intention to not get emotionally involved) start to want more, than it’s time to move on.

The most important thing to remember when you’re in this place is to love yourself NO MATTER WHAT.  To be brave enough to examine your true feelings, even if they’re uncomfortable.  To forgive yourself if you do get off track or fall for someone who isn’t right for you. To remember that there really are no mistakes and there is ALWAYS something to learn.  And to trust your gut above all else.

If you’re in place of confusion about the state of your romantic relationship and looking for some support and clarity, I invite you to email me at Rebecca@Thepursuitoffabulous.com to set up a free breakthrough coaching session. It is my mission to help as many women as possible to create lives (and love lives) that feel truly fabulous and it would be my honor to work with you.

xo

Maybe you feel stressed out and overworked.  Or got in a fight with a close friend.  Or perhaps just didn’t get enough sleep last night…and it’s raining…and you have PMS.

Whatever the case may be, we all have days where all we want to do is lay in bed in sweatpants consuming seasons of Real Housewives and Ben and Jerry’s.  The next time this happens, I dare you to:

Sit still and breathe.  Let everything you are experiencing wash over you and really swim in it.  Notice how the physical sensations feel in your body.  Clenched jaw?  Tight chest?  Keep focusing on your breath and recognize and name what comes up and let it wash over you.

Write it out. When you feel out of sorts, putting pen to paper can be incredibly cathartic. The key is to jot down whatever comes to mind without censoring yourself or worrying about spelling and grammar.  Remember, no one else has to see what you write and you can always shred/burn it when you’re done and have gotten everything off your chest.

Connect with loved ones. When you’re feeling down, it can be scary to reach out to people be vulnerable. But not only will confiding in someone likely provide a sense of relief, it can strengthen your relationship and give you the support and perspective you crave.

Move the bod.  Endorphins are powerful.  Even if you just clock10 minutes on the elliptical or do a few sun salutations, life tends to look infinitely brighter through a post-workout lens.

Hope this gives you a few ideas for dealing with those pesky less than fabulous moods in a healthy way. Remember, everyone feels icky sometimes but the most wonderful thing about feelings is their transient nature.  This too shall pass.  Sending buckets of love to anyone in need of a little extra today.

xo

Want to get more done during your workday, pump the brakes on procrastination, and have fun while you’re at it?  Here’s what works for me…

*Blasting up-beat tunes. Nothing keeps me energized and on-track like good music, and for work I love the Avicci station on Pandora for the high tempo yet (mostly) lyric-less jams.  Just be sure to keep the headphones in if you work with other humans (apparently not everyone loves my taste in music? Crazies.).

* Keeping my work fridge stocked with wallet and waistline-friendly snacks.  In the wise words of Virginia Woolf, “One cannot think well, love well, or sleep well, if one has not dined well.” Nuff’ said.

*Taking periodic brain brakes.  Research shows that regular respites from work are crucial for keeping your mental acuity pin sharp.  And praise the Lord, because the idea of remaining affixed to my computer screen from dusk till dawn makes my toes curl (and not in a good way!).  So to stay on track (and keep from getting booooorrred) try going for a quick walk in the fresh air, doing some yoga stretches, or sipping a cup of Jo the next time the 3pm slump hits!

* Doing what requires the most brain power (and is most important) first thing in the morning (or whenever you feel most “on” and alert).  This allows you to be at your best for the projects that matter most.   While you’re at it, try only checking email at pre-determined times as opposed to consistently throughout the day (you’ll be amazed by how much more you accomplish).

Got any other tips for increasing productivity and diving into projects with gusto?  Would love to hear about em’ in the comments section below!

And if you want more more MORE advice for making the most out of your time at the office, give me a holler at rebecca.i.rubin@gmail.com and we’ll set up a FREE one-on-one breakthrough coaching session.

Love this quote by NYC PR queen and self-proclaimed “Power B*tch”, Kelly Cuttrone:

“B*tch: a reflection of people’s lack of creativity & inability to acknowledge & embrace a powerful woman; a woman who won’t comply.”
― Kelly Cutrone

WORD.

Do you have someone in your life that totally rubs you the wrong way?

I recently felt this way about a co-worker who, in my opinion, sounded like a bumbling, uninformed, and overconfident idiot every time she opened her mouth.  Which was all the time.  I would get irrationally irritated with her during our interactions and then feel really guilty afterward.

I decided to do some journaling around it (as I often do when puzzling emotions arise) and realized that she reminded me of myself three years ago when I first started working for my company. It was my first job out of college and I was essentially running my agency’s marketing department solo (and in WAY over my head).  I felt tons of pressure and was constantly scrambling and trying to make it seem like I knew what I was talking about (read: acting like a bumbling, uninformed, and overconfident idiot).

I have since learned a ton and grown to love my job, but I never really processed that period of my life. I’ve essentially felt subconsciously embarrassed about the experience ever since.  Through journaling, I realized that the reason my co-worker irritated me so much had little to do with her.  She triggered an emotional response in me because she embodied how I once felt (but refused to consciously recognize).  I’m happy to report that since gaining this awareness, I’m significantly less bothered by her and feel generally lighter.

I invite you to think about anyone in your life that really triggers you.  Why do you think they have such a strong effect on you?  Might they represent a shadow self or a situation from your past about which you still have unresolved feelings?  Feel free to share in the comments below.

A smattering of ideas for cultivating more joie de vivre as the temperatures rise…

* Say yes to random invitations